A N I Z W H I N E S

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Ye.. Sebenarnya, Nijoh ni tak sihat sebelum ni..

Ada "mass" the size of a golfball at my female parts (my poor babies, my eggs!).
(Actually, I prefer to call it a "mess").
And ada excruciating, horrible, numbing, screaming pain at my lower abdomen twice every mid-cycle since June. THE PAIN WAS HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE!!

Went to the 1st doctor, a GP, he said it might be endometriosis.
The 2nd doctor, an ob-gyn, said it's Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, a form of sexually transmitted disease. Oh please! I'm so suci, I can't even tell you!
Went to the 3rd doctor, also an ob-gyn, she said it's a gastro-intestinal problem.
Was referred to her colleague, a radiologist to do a scan, and he said, "Looks good to me".
Went to the 4th doctor, she just rambled around for 15 minutes without telling me what I'm suffering from.

Went back to the 3rd doctor (since the appointment was already fixed) and in November, she finally found the mass at my ovaries. She said sometimes it twists, and that's what causes the body-numbing pain (and my sky-high stress. And my sleepless nights. And my wet sejadah. And my bad, bad mood. And my self-pity).

Was told to see her again in December, to see the progress of the mass and whether it had membesar bagai juara.

So last Wednesday, I went with Mak to see Dr. Number 3 (I rarely go to the doctor berteman, you see, so I have to mention the teman's name cuz it's such a Kodak moment).

And she said the mass it gone.

I am extremely thankful, to say the least. Ya Allah, thank you! And I haven't had the pain in one and a half months.

Now, I'm ready to fully think about my hari kawen! Yey!

..which is in 2 weeks.. Oh my God...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Why do I feel so sad today?

Is it because I can't even spend 10 minutes to eat without my clients calling?
Then losing my appetite then and there, because I just had to do the thing they want me to do immediately? (I'm soooo hungry, until I don't even feel like eating anything. There goes my stomach lining again.)
Or is it because my savings is literally diminishing for my wedding?
Or the guilty feeling afterwards that I shouldn't berkira about spending my money for my wedding, since my parents have spent so so so much more? (And it is a once in a lifetime event, so I shouldn't be stressing on this, right?)
Or is it because the nature of my work (especially this current, really stupid project), that I'd be in such a black mood the very first second I wake up?
Or is it because I'm worried if I continue doing this project, I might not be able to get pregnant?
Or is it because I'm scared to drop this project that I would be seen as incompetent, even though it would affect my health so seriously?
Or is it because my boss just doesn't acknowledge that fact?
Or is it this stupid health issue I'm facing?

Maybe that's it.

(Pray for this Nijoh. The doctor will decide tomorrow).

Tuesday, December 16, 2008