Monday, May 23, 2005



growing up with kids where (i can safely say that) only 3 out of 250 students wear the tudung, i always thought that wearing tudung is juz something that kampung-minded ppl do. i looked down at kids my age who wear them. i wouldnt be caught dead wearing them! i prefer my skin-tight baby tees and baggy jeans (i was in the hip hop 'cult' for a loooong time)

then in form 4 i decided to try it out, juz in school. i removed my tudung at other times, including the pendidikan jasmani period and my saturday co-curriculum.

i remember the first day wearing it, i was laughed and pointed at. i guess they were shocked, because i was once subjected to vicious rumours that made ppl have this perception that i was 'wild'. (hell, ppl wrote "f*ck anis" on the toilet walls! haha! those were the days..).

so when i suddenly walked the school grounds with a piece of cloth over my head, my friends gave me the weirdest looks. the most famous statements were: "weh, (snicker!) apsal kau pakai tudung ni weh!?"; and "weh anis, bukak la!". even my then-bf told me to remove it.

their reaction made me feel like wearing it even more! and somehow, instead of succumbing to peer pressure, i felt this inner sense of serenity and power. no kidding!

so i wore tudung, despite the friendly reception of my society. anyway, i accept that as a 'padan muka' on my part, cuz i was one of them juz previous to that.

but i have to put it here, i dont wear tudung 100%. i mean, i still go to gigs and concerts without it. but thats because i wouldnt want to taint all the faithful tudung wearers by wearing tudung to a gig! (believe it or not, there are tudung wearers at gigs, tekinja-kinja bawah mosh pit! toksah la dek!).

and also mainly because i havent grown up fully yet despite my 22 years of being. there are juz some nice naughty things that im normal to that i cant let go.

judge me all u want but this is juz how this hanizah being works.

but in all honest to goodness, i do feel powerful wearing tudung. i feel that Allah thought that i was precious enough to be given the 'seruan' to (altho it seems that the seruan didnt work 100%); and that i feel safe and, weirdly, mysterious in it.

and that i dont have to confine myself in front of a mirror juz to tszuj (as queer eye's carson kressly puts it) my jambul according to the latest hair trends.

but above all, i like wearing it!




Monday, May 23, 2005



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aniz halimi
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